The Realization
by Dryad Drey
Summary: Kate/Will. Will finally realizes what Kate means to him when the possibility of not having her arises. -This will be the continuation of the story I started many years ago, but wasn't able to edit anymore, due to my account becoming inaccessible.
1. Chapter 1

"High-ho-ho, the life I lead is one of pain, aaaaand of wooooe!!!" Wat and Roland howled at the top of their lungs. Chaucer couldn't be kept quiet, and he too soon joined in the drinking song. None of them had actually been drinking, but they often sang on their long journeys as they traveled from one tournament to the next. They sang to keep themselves busy, and it helped keep their spirits high. It was on a sunny, clear afternoon that the small band found themselves wandering out of Paris and through the countryside on their way to the next city. It seemed they never got a chance to rest; if they weren't on the road, they were wrapped up in the work each preformed at the competitions.

"Oh, come off it, already!" Will called out good-naturedly. He twisted in his saddle to look back at the trio. "If I have to hear another of your tuneless songs, I'll go mad!"

"But, Will," Wat looked up at him, "singin' makes the traveling go faster. Get's our mind off things."

"Not for the rest of us," he nodded to Kate. "For us the trip's that much longer. And it usually ends with a fierce headache."

"Bah!" Wat spat out. "You're just jealous you haven't got a set of lungs like mine!"

Kate silently followed along, leading the horse pulling the cart. She smiled to herself and listened to Wat and Will's banter.

"Isn't your time up, anyway?" Wat skillfully changed the subject. "I think it's my turn on the horse. My feet are aching something terrible."

"You've got to be kidding me! We've only just left Paris; I've still got another few hours at least."

"And anyway," interrupted Chaucer, "I'm after Will."

"No you're not!" fought Wat. "You had it nearly the whole ride to Paris. And I've got the blisters to prove it."

"Oh, poor little Wat," Chaucer teased. "Maybe we should just leave you behind if you can't handle a little walking."

Wat's face screwed up in anger and he lunged at the writer, but Roland stepped between the two.

"If you're in that much pain, Wat, then go hop up on that bloody wagon, and shut your trap," said Roland.

"Me? Shut my trap?" Wat stared with his mouth hanging open. "I'm not the one who started this. Blame him," he pointed up at Will. "He's the one who won't let me sing. What else am I supposed to do?"

Chaucer thought for a moment, and then chuckled. "That's right, there are only three things that big mouth of yours is good for: complaining, eating and singing terribly."

Wat once again lunged at Chaucer, but was interrupted by Will muttering aloud, "You know, I'd almost prefer the singing to this."

"What'd you say there, Will?" asked Wat, looking to pick another fight.

"I said I would gladly surrender my horse if it will quiet you."

"You're in luck," Wat cheered up. "It will."

"Good, then take it." And with that Will was off the horse and walking ahead of the group. Wat swung into the saddle.

"You know, I've just thought of something that will make the time pass." Will turned around and walked backwards, facing his friends. "How's about Kate sings us a little tune? _She_ actually has talent," Will told them with a wink to her.

Immediately everyone's head turned to face Kate.

"I didn't know you could sing," Roland told her.

Her face deepened into an intense pink. How had Will heard her sing? She had never sung in front of anyone, not even her late husband. The thought of someone listening to her, especially Will, made her very uncomfortable.

"I don't sing in front of people," she told her friends firmly. "Sorry. I just don't."

"Oh, come on," Wat told her, "You've got to be loads better than us. Anyone would be."

"It doesn't matter," she said with a slight smile. "I just don't like to do it."

"But think of the alternative," Will pointed out, looking at the others.

"Will's right, you know," Chaucer put in. "If _you_ don't sing, then we'll have to sing for ourselves. And we know you don't want that."

Kate's lips remained defiantly closed, so the trio struck up again, this time much worse.

"OHHHH!!! High-ho-ho, the life I lead…" This time they sung twice as loud, and purposely very out of tune. Will cast a pleading look to Kate till she couldn't take it anymore.

"Alright, alright!" she threw up her hands in frustration. "One song, if it'll quiet you." The group cheered, then quieted down to listen. She cleared her throat, and began.

None of them, save Will, had expected what followed to come out of Kate's mouth. The soft Scottish hymn, sung in her native tongue, fell about them until they lost track of everything else and focused solely on her voice. It was velvet soft; one of the most beautiful things they had ever heard.

With the last dying note, the men simply gawked at her, their eyes wide with surprise. To think she had had this talent that no one had known about, and had hidden it for so long.

"My God, Kate," Chaucer finally spoke. "That was wonderful. Wish I'd known you could sing like that. I've written some songs, and I'd love to see what you could do with them."

"Thanks, Geoff, but that's really the only song I know," she claimed modestly. "I'm afraid I mightn't sound so well singing anything else." Somehow, none of the men were able to believe that.

Will turned back around and continued walking forward, a smile upon his lips. He had always known there was a secret side to Kate, and he was thoroughly enjoying discovering it. The group continued walking on in complete silence. No one wanted to disturb the sound of Kate's voice so freshly placed in each of their memories.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun had already set when they entered the quiet town of Pontoise.

"Let's try and find an inn, and save ourselves from a night of sleeping on the ground." Will led them down the main street, where a few houses still had flickering lights shinning through their windows.

"Great idea," Wat called from atop the horse. "I could use a good night's sleep. You've no idea how sore I am!" He seemed not to notice the glares coming from his companions, who had walked the entire day.

"This looks promising," commented Roland. A larger building with a sign reading 'Auberge Trois Rivières' was off to their left. Many of its windows were lit, and they could hear the clinking of glasses and laughter emanating from inside. Will and Roland entered, while the other three waited outside with the horses and cart.

It was smoky and dimly lit inside. And it seemed that the entire town could be found in the small pub located on the first floor of the inn.

"Bonsoir, monsieurs," an elderly man said to them as he rose from a nearby table.

"Good evening. We're looking for lodging for the night." Will hoped the man understood English; his French was a little embarrassing.

"You have luck," the man quickly switched to English. "We have just one room remaining." He walked over to a counter off to the side, reached behind it and retrieved a key.

"One room?" Will asked. "But there's five of us." He gestured toward the door. "Surely you can find us more accommodation?"

"Excusez-moi, monsieur, but no. I have only one left. I am sorry."

Will exchanged glances with Roland, but they both knew that this was their only choice. In a town this size there would probably only be one inn. Everyone would just have to make do.

"Alright, I guess we'll take it," Will finally answered. He paid the man and took the key. Then, after receiving instructions for the horses, they headed outside.

"Bad luck," Roland began.

"What? All booked up, was it?" Chaucer asked.

"No," Will explained. "They only had one room left; we'll have to share." He looked over at Kate.

"Well, I don't mind," she commented. "It's better than sleeping outside."

"I agree," Chaucer added. "Just so long as you keep the snoring down." He poked at Wat.

"I don't snore!" His face flamed at the suggestion.

As Chaucer and Wat continued to bicker, the others began leading the horses around to the back of the inn, to where the stables were. The groom there promised to take good care of them, especially after Will tossed him a tip.

"You'd better keep a tighter grip on that money, lad," Roland warned the knight. "You may have plenty of it now, but you never know when it'll run out."

"If I run out, then I'll simply go and win another tournament," he replied with a grin.

"Don't get cocky, boy," cautioned the older man. "My grandmother always told me 'Save a shilling for a rainy day.' You never know when your luck could change."

Will leaned in close to Roland. "Luck has nothing to do with it, mate." And he slapped him cheerfully on the back.

They returned to the others and entered the inn together. The crowd that had barely noticed the pair earlier was now well aware of the five strangers. Most of the conversations ceased as the group made their way across the room to where the staircase was located. Will could see many of the men eyeing Kate greedily as they crossed, and was pleased to see Chaucer take her arm in a gentlemanly fashion.

As they reached the stairs, Will thought of how well their group fit together. They always looked out for one another, but he felt Kate was the one who needed his protection the most. Maybe it was because she was a woman, or because she could be so trustworthy and naïve at times. He found that almost anywhere they went men were making passes at her. It disgusted him how drunken males had even grabbed at her in their intoxicated state. She seemed to be able to take care of herself well enough, but he couldn't understand how she had done so before joining their band. She acted defiantly self-sufficient most of the time, a trait that grew from working in a man's field, Will knew. But no matter how stubbornly she tried to prove her independence, he knew Kate was appreciative of his men's protection.

After two flights of stairs they found themselves outside their door. Will unlocked it and they entered. It was a rather small and plain room, with a large bed taking up most of the space. Moonlight shone in through the open window, illuminating their surroundings.

"So who get's the bed, then?" asked Wat, ready to fight anyone who'd dare challenge him.

"I think Kate should have it," replied Roland. "She is the lady; it would only be right."

"Oh, that's ridiculous," she protested. "I can't take up that whole bed. You four could probably fit. Why don't you all take it?"

"That'd hardly be very comfortable," grumbled Wat.

"He's right," Chaucer agreed. "Four wouldn't fit. You take a spot, Kate. And I think Will should have a spot, too. He'll be no good at jousting with a sore back from lying on the floor all night."

Suddenly the idea of sharing a bed with Kate, alone, seemed a little unsettling to Will. Not to mention what Jocelyn would say if she ever found out. A sore back would be the least of his problems.

"All right, but I'm sure we could fit one more," Will quickly added. "Perhaps Roland, being the eldest, deserves it."

"That sounds fair. So Roland, Will and Kate take the bed, while Wat and I hit the floor." Chaucer seemed quite content with the idea, as did everyone else, except for Wat. He stood there for a moment trying to figure out how it happened that he had been sentenced to the floor.

Finally everyone had settled into their assigned sleeping arrangements. Wat and Chaucer stretched out at the foot of the bed, while Will laid on his back with Roland and Kate on either side.

"Hey, Kate," Wat called out, in a teasing manner. "How's about you sing us all a lullaby?"

"Bugger off!" she told him and threw her pillow in his direction. "Ooof!" let her know she'd hit her mark.

"Thanks," Wat said without returning the pillow. Kate then realized her mistake; she was now pillow-less.

"Want mine?" Will asked, offering his pillow.

She met his eyes in the darkness, and could see the moonlight reflecting in his deep brown eyes. She found it slightly alarming to be lying so close to him.

"No, I'll be fine," she smiled, and then rolled over with her back to him. Will settled back down and eased into a dreamless sleep, exhausted by the long day of traveling.

He wasn't sure what woke him: Roland's deep, rumbling snore, or the contact he felt against his left side. As his eyes fluttered open it took him a moment to remember where he was. It was still very dark outside, and quite a few hours from dawn. He turned his head to the side and remembered that it was Kate curled up next to him. He tried to move over and give her more room, but he realized he couldn't. Roland was completely sprawled out taking up more than half the bed. Will tried to push him over, but the large man was too heavy and Will just didn't have the energy. He felt Kate move beside him.

"Kate? You awake?" he whispered softly to her.

"Yes, and about to fall of this bed," she hissed back at him. "Think you could move over some?"

"I would, but Roland's taken up the whole side. I can't get him to budge."

"Well if you hear a 'thump' later, you'll know I've fallen off."

Will looked over to see Kate wasn't exaggerating. Half of her was hanging over the edge of the bed.

"Do you want to switch places?" Will offered.

"No, that's all right, Will. Don't worry about me."

"Well, here, how about I hold on to you, so you don't fall."

Kate was about to protest when she felt Will's strong arms wrap around her middle. He easily pulled her up against him and she could feel the heat of his firm, bare chest against her back.

"Alright," she let out meekly. Being held in his arms was making her blood run faster and her head spin slightly. She was thankful he couldn't see her face, as she knew she must have been blushing.

Will immediately realized he hadn't properly thought out his plan. Now here he was, holding Kate way too damned close. The delicate scent of her hair surrounded him and he could feel her backside against a very sensitive region. She felt way too good, and Will liked it way too much. Every slight movement she made, even the littlest bit of friction, heated his body in a way he thought only Jocelyn could.

Jocelyn! Why hadn't he thought of her before? He should not have been thinking these thoughts while he had Jocelyn. Yet, he was. But Kate was only a friend, he had to remind himself. True, she was very beautiful, but a friend nonetheless, and that was how she had to remain. Besides, he couldn't let go, or she'd fall off the bed. So that's what he told himself as he continued to hold her, and slowly drifted back off into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Sleep was much longer coming for Kate than it had been for Will. She hadn't been held this close by a man since her husband had passed on. It was awakening old feelings that she had thought forever gone, and it worried her.

True, she had once thought there might be something between her and Will, but that was only for a mere moment. He had started chasing Jocelyn so soon after meeting her that any chance of a romance between them was short lived. The way he fought for Jocelyn made it clearly evident he had no other women on his mind. It hurt Kate for a while, to see him with this other woman, but she grew to accept it.

"Though I'll never understand it!" she thought bitterly to herself. "She doesn't deserve him. Why can't he see that?" Indeed, everyone else seemed to notice her inadequacy, except William. They all saw how she spent his money on frivolous, materialistic things. They saw how she flirted and gallivanted around with other men right under his nose. And they saw how they were two completely different people, who didn't share a single thought, interest or value. But most importantly they saw how she used him at every twist and turn. Asking him to loose a tournament should have been a clear sign to all, that this woman was wicked.

In fact, the only thing the others couldn't see was why Will was still with Jocelyn. Besides her physical beauty, the woman didn't have a single trait to be found attractive.

As the months passed everyone watched as Jocelyn's possessions and vanity grew, while Will was slowly sucked dry. There wasn't nearly as much money as before and Jocelyn didn't even come to the tournaments anymore. She lived in her father's castle and showed no interest in her fiancée or his jousting career, unless it was concerning his winnings. The few times Will was able to go and visit her, she always found an excuse to leave, claiming she had some previous engagement planned. Kate knew Jocelyn was seeing other men, but she wasn't ever able to prove it. Her intuition was never enough to convince William, and after once having a huge row with him, Kate realized that he probably wanted to stay blind to his future wife's activities. He continued giving Jocelyn the pricey allowance they had established, and developed excuses for her whenever needed.

"You just don't know her the way I do," he would explain. "She's a noble and accustomed to her lifestyle. I can't deprive her of it, that's just how she is."

"But that's not how you are," Kate thought again. "You're above all that, and you deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you. Someone like me." But that dream seemed impossible now. No matter how much Kate cared for Will, she knew he only had eyes for Jocelyn. She would only ever be seen as his friend, the loyal, hardworking and sweet blacksmith. And she wouldn't ever let him down.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well, well, well. What have we here?" Chaucer's teasing voice woke Will from his deep slumber. The knight looked towards the foot of the bed and found Wat, Roland and Geoff lined up, eyeing him mischievously. As William's eyes adjusted to the bright light of the morning sun, his memory cleared and it became clear to him what the three were looking at. Apparently, he was still clutching Kate very tightly and she was nestled into his arms in the same position from the previous night. Now Roland was gone from his half of the bed, the two looked quite cozy snuggling together.

"I wonder what Jocelyn would have to say if she saw you like this, Will?" Wat's tone took the same teasing sound as Chaucer's had. But Will didn't find it to be very humorous. In fact he found the situation very awkward and in his embarrassment he promptly let go of Kate to maintain some distance. The moment he released her, she rolled off the bed as she had threatened to do the previous night and landed on the wooden floor with a thud.

"Ooof!" Kate's yelp came from the floor. A moment later her head appeared over the side of the bed and her eyes shot furious glares around the room. "Oy, what a way to be woken! Who in blazes thought it would be funny to push me off the bloody bed?!?"

But Will was too worried about explaining himself to apologize to Kate at that moment. "It's- it's not what it looks like, really! You don't understand. You see Roland was taking up so much room, and... And he was pushing us off the bed. And Kate was about to fall off, so… so you see-" He was talking quickly, attempting to clear up the misunderstanding, and didn't realize that his friends were trying desperately to keep from laughing.

Geoff interrupted him, "Relax Will. We're only teasing. We know you and Kate are friends."

"So you won't tell Jocelyn, then?" He had a desperate look in his eyes.

"No, of course we won't tell Jocelyn, what's there to tell?" By now Wat had begun complaining about breakfast and the three turned to head down to the pub. Kate slowly got up from the floor, with a quiet and reserved look on her face. She brushed herself off, and made to follow the others without even casting a look at William.

"Kate," Will called out to her as she reached the door. She turned to face him, but did not look him in the eye. She just couldn't. "I am sorry if I hurt you," he added.

She gave him as small smile. "Don't worry about me Will, I'll be fine." Then she was quietly gone. As she approached the stairs and followed the others down, she thought about Will's quick and adamant explanation- how he was more concerned about his precious Jocelyn finding out, than about her. "Damn him!" she thought to herself. "What I felt last night was more powerful than anything I've felt in a long time, and to him it was nothing more than a hug! Then again, with Jocelyn warming his bed, I'm sure Will is a very satisfied man. What could I ever possibly offer him?" Kate felt close to the verge of tears, and though she was sitting surrounded by her friends she suddenly felt very alone. Will's words had hurt her, and they only reinforced the knowledge that he would never be hers.

Back in the room upstairs, William lay in bed for several minutes thinking about the previous events. Why had he become so defensive to his friends? Of course they knew there was nothing romantic between he and Kate, so why did he feel like he had to convince them? And more importantly, why did he feel so guilty for what he had done? As far as anyone was concerned, Will was just being a good friend.

With a great sigh, Will rose himself from the bed and began dressing. He told himself he would just have to pay more attention to Jocelyn the next time he saw her, which thankfully would be in a couple of days. All the time they spent apart could not be good for their relationship, and he knew once he saw her at the tournament in Dieppe, where her father's estate was located, he wouldn't be able to think about anyone else. Whenever he was in her presence she was all he could ever think about. Any attraction he had felt towards Kate must have been because he hadn't seen Jocelyn in weeks and he missed her. That simply had to be the explanation.


	5. Chapter 5

The group was on the move again by midmorning, and nobody had said anything further about the situation from the bedroom. In fact, Wat, Geoff and Roland seemed to have forgotten the whole matter entirely. But neither Will nor Kate had. They hadn't spoken to each other since that morning, and were doing a good job at avoiding one another, as if it would make the awkwardness disappear somehow.

They made good time that day, as they were all anxious to make it to Dieppe. Will was looking forward to seeing Jocelyn again, and ridding himself of the inner guilt he was carrying, though he still didn't understand where it came from. Everyone else was eager to arrive at the Roberge estate, where they would be treated to exquisite meals and feather beds each night. Kate was mostly looking forward to setting up her equipment somewhere and getting back to work. Whenever she had a lot on her mind, she loved to immerse herself in her craft. She enjoyed the familiarity and the art of it all. But mostly she liked the privacy. It was her place, and she could be alone for hours on end, whenever she wanted. The men knew this, and hardly ever interrupted her in her smithy.

The trail was ridden mostly in silence, save for a few rounds of singing from the men. Any requests made to Kate were adamantly refused, and she wasn't pressured anymore. She was quiet that day, walking at the end of the group. Will led them, and he too seemed lost in thought for most of the afternoon.

It was dusk when they finally settled down for the night in a camp they quickly put together a ways in from the road. When everyone had eaten their fill, they all stretched out around the crackling fire with a mug of mead each. They talked for a while, mostly about the glorious food they would be fed in the castle, before Kate excused herself quietly and headed off to bed. She preferred to sleep in the straw filled wagon along with her tools, than with the men by the fire. Will watched her retreat into the shadows and his frustration wouldn't let him sit idly any longer. Kate had not spoken a word to him all day, and it was eating him up inside. He felt like he had done something wrong, but he couldn't, in blazes, figure out what. Roughly, he ran his hand through his blond curls and stood to follow her.

"Where are _you_ off to?" Geoff questioned him.

"I, uh, need to speak to Kate for a minute. About, um, my armour. I'll only be a moment." Then he followed her out of the light of the campsite.

"That was odd," Geoff commented. Roland nodded in agreement, while Wat seemed oblivious to the whole scene.

Will caught up with Kate some distance away. Before he had a chance to think about why he had lied to Geoff, he called out her name.

She turned at the sound of his soft voice, and was surprised to see Will standing a few yards away. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

His formality was slightly alarming to Kate; he always spoke so amiably and with such ease to his friends. But she nodded her head and he stepped closer.

He opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly got a better look at Kate and couldn't find what it was he meant to say. In the full moon's light he clearly saw her green eyes shinning back at him, patiently, expectantly. Their brightness was striking against her soft pale skin, and he felt the urge to reach up and touch her cheek. Resisting the temptation, though, he shook his head trying to find his words. She gave him a quizzical look.

"I, uh, wanted to apologize again, for this morning." At first, Kate imagined he was sorry for what he had said, and then she realized that was not what he meant. "I can imagine that must have been a shocking way to be woken. Not to mention a little painful too?" he gave her an apologetic smile.

But at that moment Kate wasn't in a very forgiving mood. She had excused Will for letting her fall off the bed, but there was something else she didn't want to forgive him for just yet. Something he hadn't even apologized for.

"I'm all right, thank you." With that Kate turned to leave. But Will's hand was on her arm before she could take a step, turning her back to face him.

"Kate, are you angry with me? I have the feeling I've done something to hurt you."

"I'm just tired, is all, and I'd like to go to sleep now."

"You know you can talk to me, right? You can tell me anything."

Kate closed her eyes and shook her head from side to side. "No, there is nothing wrong," she said quietly. The movement of her head caused her dark tresses to sway around her face. Again, Will was struck by her beauty, and was about to raise his hand to run it through her hair when she opened her eyes.

"We're still friends, then?" he asked almost desperately.

Her reply held a sadness, a defeat, that tugged at his heart. "Yes, Will, we will always be friends."

"Alright, well then goodnight." He leaned forward then and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before giving her a smile. Then he turned and made his way back to the campsite.

Kate stood for a moment in the moonlight, surrounded by tall trees. She could hear the men laughing and joking around the fire, all oblivious to the sharp pain she could feel somewhere in her chest. She fought to control her emotions. Tears threatened to pour down, but Kate refused to cry any longer for the man she couldn't have. When she turned to walk back to the wagon, there and then, she made a decision. It would do her no good to continue traveling with Will and the others. In the end, it only caused her more pain than she could handle. She had thought she could get past this deep caring for William and move on, but when she saw him everyday, it was damned near impossible. She only grew to care for him more. When they reached Dieppe, Will would be reunited with Jocelyn, and everyone would be so happy and busy with the tournament that no one would mind if she left. She could say a quick good-bye, then be across the channel, into England and on her way home, to Scotland.

When she settled down upon the straw she finally let the sobs escape. It would be difficult, she knew, leaving her friends. She had never known it to be so hard doing the right thing.


	6. Chapter 6

After a few more days on the road, everyone was looking forward to reaching Dieppe, but none more than Will. He couldn't wait to wrap his arms around his fiancée, and kiss the dark haired beauty as he had in his dreams for so many nights now. As they got closer and closer, he grew more energized, and impatient with those slowing them down- namely Wat.

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Wat! Will you pick up the pace?!? At the rate you're going, we won't get there till autumn!" Will called to the back of the group where Wat was trudging along, dragging his feet with every step.

"But I'm tired, Will!" he whined back. "We've been going non-stop for almost a week now. The tournament isn't for a couple more days; I think we can afford to take a few brakes."

Will's response took an unexpectedly sympathetic tone. "Well, I guess your right. I'm sure all those cakes and roasts and flagons of ale can wait. You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not really in the mood for a feast, anyway. Let's stop here for a bit, shall we?" Then Will plopped himself down on a log at the edge of the road.

"What are you doing, man?!?" Wat, having suddenly found some life, marched up to Will and heaved him to his feet. "You know, we really don't want to be late for the tournament. We'd better keep moving, or we might miss the thing all together, and we wouldn't want that, would we?"

So they continued on, and at a slightly quicker pace now that every couple of minutes Wat was telling them to pick up their feet. Hardly anyone noticed how Kate seemed to lack the enthusiasm she normally had when they were approaching a city. Now that she was planning to leave the group she had come to love so much, she found every time she opened her mouth to speak, her words stuck in her throat. The only one who seemed to remark her odd behaviour was Geoff. He hung back a little to talk to her privately while the other three marched ahead, arms around each other's shoulders.

"All right there, Kate?"

"Hullo, Geoff. Beautiful day, isn't it?" she asked.

"That it is, Kate, that it is." They looked around themselves to admire the French northern landscape. The sun was shinning down on them though the heavy branches of the full oak trees. The whole atmosphere seemed to glow with the green of their leaves and the air felt alive. Then he turned to look her in the face. "So what is it then that's making you so unhappy?"

At first Kate was taken aback. "What? Nothing's making me unhappy, Geoff. I'm fine." Kate knew it sounded like a lie; she was never very good at hiding the truth. The look on Chaucer's face told her she was right; he didn't believe her. He waited patiently, still watching her, and waiting for her to open up to him.

Kate heaved a sigh as she realized it was no use. Try as hard as she might to hide them, Geoff had always been able to read her emotions. He understood her better than any of the other men, and when she did feel like talking to someone, more often than not, it was he she went to. Besides, in a day or two, everyone would know anyway. So what was the point of putting it off any longer?

"Fine, Geoff, I'll tell you. Though I did want to wait till we had reached Dieppe. And please don't tell the others just yet, will you?"

"Whatever you say Kate, I'm just here to listen." He gave he a reassuring smile and she continued.

"I've made a decision. Though it was not easy, I must tell you. I've thought about it a lot, weighed the different arguments. Really I was trying to figure out just what I wanted, and for the longest time I had no idea. But I think I know what I want now- no, wait, I _know_ what I want now, and there's no changing my mind. I'm finally sure."

"Kate!" Geoff interrupted her endless babbling, though he knew it was a sign of her nervousness. "Calm down and just tell me already."

She took a deep breath. "I'm going home."

There was a silence then, and Kate was almost afraid to look at Geoff. But after a few more moments, she couldn't bare it and glimpsed at him. His face held the look of one deep in thought. "Geoff." Her voice was barely audible.

He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and turned back to her. "You know I think that's a splendid idea."

"You- you do?" Kate's heart dropped as she realized the others may not be so sad to see her go.

"Well, I've just realized how this must be for you. You're out here with us, the only woman in a band of the most uncivilized men God ever put on this earth." As if to reiterate his remark, Wat let out a massive belch up ahead of them. "Traveling each day in all kinds of weather from one tournament to the next. I'm sure this was not what you expected when you joined with us, eh? And the prospect of a hot bath and comfortable bed is probably weighing heavily on your mind by now. Of course I understand that you want to go home for a while and rest up. And your family must miss you terribly, and you them, I'm sure. No, Kate, I think it's a fine idea if you go home for a bit. Then you can meet up with us again, perhaps at the tournament in Prague, by August?"

She was watching her feet as she walked and a single tear fell down her cheek. He didn't understand, and explaining this to him was going to be the hardest thing she had done yet. But she knew she had to offer him an explanation, and it just might have to be the truth.

"No Geoff, that's not what I mean." He stopped her and lifted her chin with a finger, making her face him.

"What is it Kate? Why are you crying?"

"I'm going home. For good. I'm leaving and I'm not going to be coming back." As she looked into his eyes she saw his confusion, then realization and finally the sadness. She tried to apologize with her own eyes, but it all seemed so pointless, the hurt was evident in his own.

"Why?" was all he said.

"I- I don't really know. Mostly I just feel like that's where I should be. Like that's where I belong."

"I don't believe that, Kate. You belong here with us, we're your family. You know that. You have a very special place here, it's where you belong."

"Why? To make armour for one knight for the rest of my life? To follow you all around from city to city? To never settle down myself, maybe have a family?" With each question her voice grew stronger and more fierce. But suddenly it grew soft, emotional. "That's what I wanted once, long ago, a family. Then somewhere it all changed. I just don't think this is what I want for my life." She gestured around herself with her arms. "Something is missing, something I won't find if I stay here."

By this time the other three had moved on quite a bit, and Geoff took her elbow to continue walking.

"But Kate, I always thought you were happy here with us. I thought this was where you wanted to be, and who you wanted to be with."

"Oh, it was Geoff. These have been some of the happiest months of my life, and I wouldn't trade them for all the gold in the world. I love all of you, very much, you know that."

Geoff smiled a sad smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a tight squeeze. "We think the world of you, too. You're our little Scottish lass, you know that."

"That's what make this so hard," she continued watching her feet. "You are all so kind, my life here has been wonderful. I've grown so close to all of you. Leaving will be the hardest thing I've ever done."

"Then why do it?" Geoff pushed on. "I don't understand, Kate. Why do you feel like you must leave?"

"Geoff, please, can't you just accept it? Why do you have to ask me all these questions? Just say goodbye and let me leave." Kate never thought she would have to try so hard to convince them of her decision. She had hoped it would be just a sad farewell with hugs and kisses, and then she could be off. She had not meant to confront her emotional demons like this.

Chaucer's face took a firm expression and he stated simply, "No, Kate. I refuse to let you leave without an explanation. I care too much to let that happen." He looked down at her and said gently, "If you are going, then you at least owe me the truth. If we're never to see our darling Kate again, I want to know why."

"I- I..." Kate's voice slowly trailed off. She didn't even know how to begin to tell Geoff about her feelings for Will.

Then an idea passed through Geoff's mind and he asked, "Does this have anything to do with Will?"

The shock that Chaucer had guessed it so easily stopped Kate in her tracks, though she couldn't look at him. She felt her cheeks reddening slightly as he stopped beside her.

"Ah, I see it does," he began. And when Kate said nothing he continued. "You know, I've often wondered if there wasn't a little something between you two."

"There wasn't! I mean, isn't!" Kate cut him off looking up at him.

"And therein lies the problem, am I right? You care for him then?" he asked.

Kate looked him straight in the eye and spoke the truth, something she had tried so hard to keep even from herself. "I think I'm in love with him," she whispered. Then she waited for Geoff's response.

It came seconds later when his mouth spread into a wide grin and he picked her up in a giant hug and swung her around, laughing.

"Finally!" he declared as he put her back down. "I was wondering how long it would take you to notice."

"Geoff, please," she begged him desperately. She was more disappointed than ever, he just didn't understand. "This is not good. I tried to fight this. I did not want to fall in love with Will."

Geoff's grin lessened somewhat, but he was still smiling. "But you couldn't avoid it, could you? Why in heavens name would you want to fight it?"

"Because who would want to fall in love with someone who already loved another?" she demanded.

Chaucer was silent for a moment as the realization sunk in. "Jocelyn."

"Yes, Jocelyn. The beautiful lady that Will is madly in love with and plans to marry."

But Geoff wasn't about to give up on his two friends yet. "That woman is a witch. She doesn't deserve him; he should be with you. You know that. I know that. Hell, everybody knows that!"

"Yes, well, Will obviously doesn't think so. He's still in love with her, and no one can change that. We've tried before to make him realize, but you know how he is. To him, Jocelyn can do no wrong. She's perfect."

"Well, Kate, now he's got to listen." He turned to go run and join the others, but Kate held him back.

"No, Geoff, please don't say anything. You promised you wouldn't tell." Kate was pleading with him.

Geoff turned back to face her. "Kate, this is important. This is something that simply cannot be left alone."

"But it must. And it will. Do you honestly think anything has changed, that he'll believe you now about Jocelyn? And even if by some miracle he does, so what? I don't think Will feels anything for me but friendship. It would be a complete humiliation."

"You're wrong," Geoff took her by the shoulders and gently shook her. "I've seen him look at you sometimes. Sometimes when you don't even notice. I've seen a look in his eye, and seen his gaze linger on you longer than is normal. You may deny it, but I am certain he has feelings of love for you, deep down inside himself. Though they may be so deep even he doesn't realize them yet."

Kate wanted to believe him so badly, but it all seemed so unreal. She shook her head and asked, "How do you know? How could you know what he's feeling, if he himself doesn't even know?"

"I'm a writer, an artist," he stated simply. "For some reason I was blessed with this talent to understand people, their minds and their hearts, and all of their intricacies. And I am also a man, who has been in love myself once or twice," he added with a wink to her. "When I look at Will, I see a man who is sharing his heart with another, and though he thinks it's Jocelyn, I am most certain _that_ is not real love. I think he'll realize it himself, one day, and I just hope it won't be too late. I hope you won't be gone."

"Your words are comforting Geoff, you certainly do have a way with them." He bowed dramatically at her compliment. "But Will had better realize quickly, if he ever is going to. I am leaving when we reach Dieppe, and my mind is made up. No matter how much you say you understand someone, you can't control him. You cannot make him see what he doesn't want to. If Will does love me, as you say, then that is something he should realize on his own, without any help."

"I just don't want to see it never realized. I want to see the two of you happy, and together."

"Well, we'll see. I believe in fate, Geoff, and if something is supposed to happen I'm sure it will." Kate just wanted to drop the subject. She was certain Will would never love her the way she wanted him to, and it only hurt her to imagine things that could never be.

"Oy! You two!" They both looked up to see Wat ahead, yelling back at them. "We do want to reach the tournament sometime this year. Helloooo?"

"We're coming, Wat!" Chaucer yelled back to him. Then he linked arms with Kate and they continued walking.

"So that's it then? You've made up your mind, have you? You'll leave us all just because you cannot have Will?"

"I know it sounds foolish, Geoff, but I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't sit and watch as he loves another."

"And yet you refuse to do something about it?" All Kate could respond was with a look, a pained look that showed her defeat. "I know I'm being hard on you, love," he continued. "But really, you're not just leaving him, you're leaving all of us, and I'm going to miss you a great deal." He paused for a moment, deep in thought. "But as much as it hurts me, I do understand why you must go. Really, I do. For in love, there can be no exceptions."

Kate leaned over and hugged him. "Thank you, Geoff. I'm glad you finally get it; it will make it so much easier when I have to leave. Maybe you could help the others understand after I'm gone?"

"Mm-hmm." Geoff murmured as they continued after the others. Secretly he was trying to think of some way to make her stay, or bring his two friends together. He knew Fate was a busy lady and sometimes she needed a little help.


	7. Chapter 7

The night before their arrival at Dieppe found the small band in a tiny clearing, a few miles from the city limits. Once again they were gathered around a fire, Wat and Will returning from the thick woods with another armload of firewood each. They were all laughing and joking about Wat's latest misfortune and Kate was savouring every moment of it. She knew that this was likely the last night they would all be together, as she still planned to separate from them when they reached Jocelyn's home tomorrow. Her plan was to continue along the coast to Calais, then cross to England. She had her portions from the tournament winnings safely tucked away, and knew she would have few problems making her way back home, to the south of Scotland. Thought Geoff had cast her many knowing looks since she confided in him her secret, he thankfully had not said anything more about the subject. Perhaps he was finally able to understand what a difficult, yet unavoidable, decision she had been forced to make. Sitting by the fire, Kate was lulled into a comfortable trance, brought on by the mead, and hypnotic dance of the flames. Geoff's voice snapped her back to reality.

"I'd say now's as good a time as any, wouldn't you Kate?" he smiled at her innocently.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" she sat up a bit straighter when she noticed all eyes were on her.

Geoff continued, "I was just telling everyone how you had something important you wanted to tell them all." He continued to hold her gaze thought she was glaring at him, with a fake smile pasted upon her lips.

"Oh, well you know…" she tried to calmly blow off the subject with a careless wave of her hand. "It's not that important. I was planning on waiting until we reached Dieppe to tell everyone. So I think I'll wait a bit."

"But why bother?" he pressed on. "Why not just tell everyone now, we're all gathered here together, who knows when you'd get another chance like this one?"

The others were now eyeing her suspiciously, clearly intrigued by the secret hidden between Geoff and Kate. It was evident to Kate that this would be difficult to avoid now. She abruptly stood. "You know, I'm feeling pretty exhausted from all the traveling we've done today. I really just want to get some sleep. I'll just tell everyone tomorrow, shall I?" She turned on her heel but barely made it three steps before they all called out to her.

"Oy! Wait a minute!" "Hold on, one second!" "You can't just leave without telling us!" She slowly turned back to face them. Roland, Wat and William were all looking up at her, a combination of curiosity, impatience and worry on their faces. She sighed and resumed her seat once more, resigning herself to the fact that she couldn't avoid this anymore. She cast one angry look toward Chaucer, and then started to explain.

"First of all, I want you to all know how much I have enjoyed these past few months I've spent with you. You've been such wonderful friends to me at a time when I truly felt like I had none. I'd been alone for so many years that I really had forgotten what it felt like to be part of a family, and that's what this has been for me. That being said," she took a breath. "I think it's now time for me to head back home, to see the family that I left so long ago, my parents, and brothers. I hadn't realized how much I missed them, but I really do." As Kate explained, she didn't have to imagine the pain she would feel for missing loved ones. In truth, she did miss her family back in Scotland. And she could only imagine how much she would miss these men in front of her, when the time came for her to say good-bye. Especially one man in particular.

They were silent as she spoke, and when she finished, much of the confusion remained in their expressions.

Wat was the first to break the silence. "So, you're leaving us? You're going? Back to Scotland?"

Kate couldn't help her eyes from filling at the offended tone he held. She could see this was going to hurt them after all.

"Yes, I am. I know it'll be an adjustment for you all but I'm sure you'll make do!" She tried to smile and encourage them to do the same. Stubbornly, the three just looked at her with wide eyes.

"But what about Will's armour?" Wat asked. "Who's gonna fix it anytime he get's knocked about?" Roland shot him a disapproving look. "What? Don't pretend like it's never gonna happen! Who'll help him if Kate leaves?"

"Roland has been very quick at learning anything I've shown him," Kate reasoned. "I'm sure he could sort out any minor problems, and every tournament has plenty of smithies you can choose from, if there are any serious repairs needed." Her heart lurched a little at the thought of what would cause the armour to need repair. She now knew she wouldn't be there in case Will _was _seriously injured.

"I'm sure we can figure all that out," Roland reassured her. "But are you sure this is what you want? I always thought you were so happy with this life, and traveling around with us?"

"I was, Roland, truly. But sometimes I long for a place where I can just stop, and stay. I suppose I'm not made for this type of work, long term. I'm sorry if this is a shock to you all, I really don't mean to hurt any of you."

"Well," Roland seemed to be thinking. "What if you went home, back to Scotland for a while, but met up with us again a few months from now? We could decide on a tournament in the north somewhere, and meet up again?" He looked at her hopefully.

She paused and looked into their faces, holding Will's eyes for a moment, then slowly shook her head. Dropping her eyes she bracingly said, "I don't think I'll be returning."

Chaucer had been watching them from the side, seeing the others take the news of Kate's departure. Just one person had refused to comment thus far.

"What do you think Will? Of Kate's decision?" he asked.

Kate raised her eyes again, but this time the knight was looking elsewhere. His face was turned up to the stars, as though he was considering something about their placement.

"Well. It doesn't really matter what I think, does it? She has clearly made a decision, and it appears as though no one would be able to convince her otherwise." He looked at Chaucer. "I don't see as it matters what any of us thinks, really. If it'll make Kate happy to go be with her family, then that's where she should be." There was a finality in his tone which stung her. Kate knew Will felt nothing romantic toward her, but she had hoped her friendship meant something to him. He seemed quite at ease letting her go. Fearing what emotions were threatening to overtake her, she stood once again and addressed the men.

"I hope you all can try and understand why I'm doing this. I am really quite tired, so I think I'll be getting to sleep now. Goodnight." They mumbled their respective goodnights, and prepared themselves for sleep.

Kate expected a huge wave of sorrow to overtake her the minute she was alone, but surprisingly it never came. Perhaps it was finally seeing the truth, that Will would continue without her, that was a comfort to her. Knowing that he could go on and be just as happy and successful as he was before they ever had met, she could rest easy. Their final farewell would not be completely heartbreaking for all.


	8. Chapter 8

As the men were settling themselves around the dying fire, preparing to sleep, Chaucer knelt himself down beside Will. His expression held nothing in it but extreme disapproval.

"What?" Will asked, slightly offended.

"What is _bloody_ wrong with you, boy?"

Will was too tired to start in with these games, so he simply asked, "Just tell me what you think it is I've done wrong now, would you? And let me get some sleep."

"How could you say that? To Kate? Do you actually think she's better off leaving us? Is she of so little importance to you, that you really want to see her go?"

"No, of course not, Geoff. Of course I want her to stay here with us, but what could I have possibly said to change her mind? You heard her, she wants to be with her family."

"We _are_ her family. You could have at least said that."

"You're the poet, Geoff, not me. If you want to hear such elegant things, say them yourself," Will grumbled as he settled himself down.

"It's not elegance, it's simply the truth; something you seem to be having a hard time recognizing these days." And with that Chaucer rose and continued around the fire to settle himself down on the opposite side.

Will didn't know what to think of Geoff's words. He was having a hard enough time coming to grips with the news Kate had just laid upon them. It was unfathomable that they would be continuing on without her. They had accepted her so naturally into the group that her presence seemed an ideal fit with everyone else. Will couldn't imagine how the dynamic would change with her gone. Putting aside her incredible ability with a hammer and anvil, he enjoyed having her around. She was a quiet presence in the group, who often acted as the voice of reason, the moral compass and even at times the chastising tongue. He couldn't believe he hadn't realized all this about her until now, right when he was about to say goodbye to her forever.

He stretched out on his back, hands behind his head, and heaved a sigh. Maybe Geoff was right; maybe there was something he could say to make her change her mind, make her stay. But how could Will live with himself if he did that? If he convinced her to stay, would she always regret it, and dream for the life she might have had instead? Will felt guilty but he didn't want to picture Kate happily married to some man, with 3 or 4 children underfoot. He didn't want to picture her anywhere else but on the sidelines as he competed in his jousts. He wanted her around their campfire each night as they shared each other's company and celebrated his victories. He didn't want to feel guilty, but he also didn't want her to go. The more he considered the situation, the more it angered him. He was being put in this position where if he were to be a good friend, he would convince her to stay with them, where she belonged, with those that cared about her. But also, if he were a good friend, he would support her decision, and wish her luck as she made her way back home. How in heavens was he supposed to pick a side? And _damn_ her for forcing him to choose! He turned on his side, punching the bundle he was using as a pillow. Why did she have to do this to them, anyway. Why would she join them, spend all this time getting close to them, hell, give him _dance_ lessons, if she just planned to abandon them a few months later! It infuriated him that she could so easily just toss them aside, decide that she wants to go and never see them again. What kind of a person does that; did she never feel true friendship toward any of them? How could he, Will, have been so blind that he misread the closeness he thought they shared?

Now, having worked himself into a state of real anger, Will knew he would not be able to sleep. He had to speak with Kate, and it could not wait until morning. He had to make her understand how selfish her decision really was. He got to his feet and stomped off in the direction of the wagon. Chaucer smiled to himself as he watched Will go.


	9. Chapter 9

Kate heard the bushes moving and twigs snapping underfoot as some unknown figure trampled their way towards her. She sat up in the hay and pulled her blanket around herself tightly, unsure of who could be coming to see her so late at night. Her questions were answered a few moments later, as Will burst through the trees and into the small clearing.

"Will," she started. "What- what are you doing…" but he cut her off.

"Have you thought this through?" Hands on hips, his eyes bore into hers with intensity.

At first she was caught off guard. "What in heavens are you talking about?"

"What do you think?" he snapped back. "About you decision. To leave. To leave us, and go back to Scotland; have you properly thought this through? I want to know."

"Yes. Of course I have. I promise you, this was not an easy decision for me to make." This man, standing before her now, confused Kate. She had been so certain that Will had accepted her leaving. He had asked no questions, nor had he tried to convince her to stay. Now, here he was glaring up at her, and he seemed truly angered. "Will, where is this coming from? Earlier tonight you seemed fine with my choice."

"Well, I suppose I've been thinking about it. And something has occurred to me."

"And what is that?" she chanced.

"You're not the woman I thought you were." She felt like she had been slapped. "You've spent months traveling with the men, and working alongside them. But more than that you've built four very strong friendships with each of us. Now you seem capable to just throw all that away, without even asking us what we have to say about it. Those men back there," he stepped toward her while motioning back toward the trees. "Those men care about you. They respect, admire and adore you, and you… _you _just can't get home fast enough, can you?"

"That's not fair." Kate was not about to take this sitting down. She hopped off the wagon and stepped up to Will, and though he was almost a full head taller than her, she attacked him with the same intensity. "You don't know what I went through before I made this choice. I feel just as strongly toward each of them, and this hurts me just as much as you all. It will not be easy to say goodbye, to any of you" Especially you, she thought.

"Then why, _in hell_, are you doing this? It doesn't make any sense." He was searching her eyes, pleading her to reconsider.

Her voice was flat when she responded. She needed to keep all emotions hidden, she knew. "I told you, I want to go home. I miss my family."

"We _are _your family." Will stated simply, and then cursed himself for resorting to Geoff's words.

"I'm tired, Will." Though it might have been a lie, Kate tried to convince herself, so her words would sound believable. "I don't want to keep living like this. Do you think I enjoy sleeping in a wagon each night?" she gestured behind her. "I want a home, and to start a family, maybe grow a garden again."

Though she could see it was hurting him, she continued to lie, felt he would finally be able to let her go if she was able to convince him. It was easier than telling the truth, at least.

"I had a garden once, you know, before I ever started working as a farrier. My hands used to stain green, not this black you see here." She smiled, and gestured to her hands, grime visible under her nails. "Chrysanthemum's were always my favorite…" her voice trailed away, unsure of what to say next. Or how to say it. "When Robert passed, God rest his soul, I took up the trade. I had to make a living somehow, and the tournament was in town. I don't regret for a minute what I did with my life, or the choices I've made. Thanks to them, I met you all." She could feel the lump rising in her throat, and struggled to push it down. Will was watching her, sadness etched into his face. But she had to continue, to finish it. "But I wonder if I somehow lost track over the years. I never had the chance to start a family with Robert, but I had planned to one day. I still have that plan. And I want to be near my family when I do. I'm sorry if it seems selfish, Will. But I've made up my mind." She searched his face, trying to see if he believed any of what she'd just told him.

His eyes had softened and though he still regarded her with coolness, he also registered acceptance. He took a small step back, and Kate longed to reach out to him, and pull him close to her. She resisted.

"I see," was all he said. He gave her a sad smile. Then, with a "Goodnight," he turned and headed back into the trees.

Kate watched the spot where he'd disappeared for a few minutes, secretly hoping he'd come rushing back out, to her. Then she gave up, climbed back into the wagon, and wrapped herself once again in her quilt. She felt confident that her secret was still safe, that Will would not be able to guess her true feelings for him. In a short while he would be reunited with his lady Jocelyn, and he would forget all about Kate. As she lay there, she tried desperately to convince herself that she was making the right choice.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning's weather seemed to match the somber mood of the group. There was a thick fog in the air and moisture hung all around them, with small rain showers sprinkling down every now and again. Though they knew it would only hasten Kate's departure from them all, they were back on the road early, anxious to make it to Dieppe and out of the rain. Kate was thankful, as she didn't want to prolong her goodbyes; it was awkward facing everyone in the daylight, especially Will. He seemed to accept her weak explanation from the previous night and did not question her any further. In fact, he avoided her for most of the day, and seemed to be wrapped up in his thoughts throughout the morning pack up of camp. Geoff was another story.

"Hullo, there, Kate," he greeted her cheerily as he joined her once again at the back of the group, while they were trudging along the dirt road.

"Not now, Geoff," she warned him wearily.

"What? Not regretting the decision you've made already, are you?"

"Hardly. But I'm still mad at you for what you did last night. So I'm not talking to you right now." She grumpily looked away from him, and her eyes ran across the wet, grey landscape of the northern French coast.

"I only did what you were too cowardly to do."

"Cowardly?!? I had every intention of telling them, just at a time when _I_ was ready. What you did wasn't fair."

"I'm sorry love, but what isn't fair is how you've made this choice. Or how you are too stubborn to listen to a friend who only has the best intentions for you." He didn't give her a chance to reply, but quickened his pace to walk alongside Roland, leaving Kate to her thoughts.

Kate was more miserable than ever. If her friends weren't angry and avoiding her, like Will and Geoff, then they were hurt and avoiding her, like Wat and Roland. She wasn't sure how she had made such a mess of everything, but she was eager to arrive at Dieppe. She could then finally be on her own. The guilt was building as she watched how her choices were hurting the people she cared most about. Just this morning, she had offered a second helping of porridge to Wat. Without even meeting her eye, he declined, something that had never happened before. He claimed he had no appetite- another first. She knew he was cross with her. And she also knew there was nothing she could say to amend the situation; it would be best to just get away as soon as possible.

She pushed her wet hair out of her face and tightened her cloak around herself. She would have loved a hot bath and comfortable bed that night, at Jocelyn's home. But it wouldn't have been worth the pain of seeing her with William again. Kate refused to do that to herself.


	11. Chapter 11

Kate was thankful they made good time that morning, and arrived at the coastal town of Dieppe in the early afternoon. Will was leading them toward the Roberge estate, which was located inland from the sea, and a short distance from town. Kate's plan was to leave them before they reached it and go on to the tournament grounds, where she was hoping she could find lodging for the night and perhaps a ride on to Calais the following day. There she could pass easier to England and continue north on her trek home. When they reached the fork in the road that led to town, Kate realized it was her time to part from the others.

She stilled the horse that was pulling the cart, and climbed up to grab her bag of belongings.

"So, this is it, then?" Roland asked up at her.

"I think so," she smiled at him. "I'll go on to the village from here." He gave her his hand and helped her down from the wagon.

"Are you certain you won't at least spend the night at Jocelyn's? Start fresh in the morning?" Though he seemed sad, Roland's eyes held a warmth in them. Kate was going to miss that.

"No, I think I'll just head into town, and try to find a route to Calais for tomorrow."

"Well, best of luck then, lass. We're going to miss you terribly." He pulled her into a bone-crushing hug then, and Kate was touched by the affection he so rarely displayed.

"Thank you Roland, I'll miss you too." Then she turned to Wat who had joined them at Roland's side. He wasn't as good at hiding his emotions, but all anger he had demonstrated earlier in the day was gone. His eyes had filled with tears that were threatening to pour over, and his bottom lip quivered in a way that Kate would have found amusing if she hadn't been so moved. She reached up to him and gave him a tight squeeze.

As she turned, Geoff stepped up to her. "So no chance of talking you out of this, then?" he asked with a hint of defeat. His voice dropped slightly, "I know why you're doing this, but don't you think he should too?" He gestured over his shoulder to where Will was dismounting from the stallion.

Kate chose not to remark on his implications. Instead she wrapped him in a close embrace. "I'm going to miss you, too, Geoff. Look after everyone for me, wont you?" When they separated he looked at her seriously.

"Take care of yourself, love. If you change your mind, you know where to find us. For the next few days at least. And you know we'll be heading east after that, if you plan on catching us up."

"I don't think that will be happening, Geoff, but thank you. Thank you for all you've done for me. You've been a true friend." She squeezed his hand and gave him a brave smile, then swung her satchel over her head and headed over to the knight.

At first she thought he wasn't going to acknowledge her, that she would have to say goodbye to his back, as he was turned and adjusting something on the saddle.

She cautiously cleared her throat, and attempted her final farewell. "Will, I… I just wanted to…" her words seemed to fail there.

He turned then, but refused look at her. His narrowed eyes focused on something in the distance. Up close, she could see the water drops that had formed at the tips of his blond locks. She knew there were many more details like that that she would never witness again.

"So, I guess you'll be heading off now, then. Is that it?" he asked gruffly to the treetops behind her.

"Yes." She felt small, like a child being scolded for making the wrong choice.

"Do you have everything you need?" he checked.

Not even close, she thought. "Yes, I've got it all," she answered. "I've left most of my tools behind, in the wagon, though. You should try to sell them, if you can, to the other armorers at the tournament. I think you could get a good fee for them."

"All right, then." He still hadn't looked at her. In the overcast weather, his eyes looked darker than usual, almost black.

"Listen, William, I want you to know that I did- I do- value your friendship. I don't want you to think this was easy for me to do, and I _am_ going to miss you all terribly. Please believe me when I say that some of my fondest memories have been from these past few months. It was just time for me to move on, that's all…" Her words felt empty, and hollow. She could see he wasn't really interested in what she was saying, his eyes had dropped to the ground and he was nodding his head automatically. Kate decided that was the best she could have hoped for, and turned to leave. She left him with, "Good luck in the tournament."

As she was turning, she felt his hand on her arm turning her back to him. "Wait," he said simply, and wrapped her in a warm embrace. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, savouring every moment. She held on tightly to his tunic at his sides, scared for the first time of letting go, of loosing him. Her cheek was pressed against his chest, and she took strength from it then, from him. As they parted she looked into his face once more, saw the intensity in his eyes as they bore into hers and almost changed her mind, right then and there.

She reached up on tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, William." Then she turned and started towards town.

"Goodbye, Kate," he mumbled softly. He watched her retreating back, but she refused to turn around. She didn't think her resolve would hold if she gave herself the chance to look back.

(please review!)


	12. Chapter 12

As the evening approached, Kate found herself on the road just outside the city limits, walking with thick forests on either side of her. Though she had traveled alone for years before ever meeting Will and his entourage, she now found the silence almost unbearable. She realized she actually _missed _Wat's complaining, the bickering between he and Chaucer, even their horrible singing. She tried now to hum her favorite lullaby, to break the silence, but her tune sounded so pitiful that it only increased her loneliness. She hated that she wasn't strong enough to do this.

"Damn her!" Kate thought angrily. She fueled herself by thinking of the intense hatred she felt towards Jocelyn. Really, in the end, everything was Jocelyn's fault. She could be blamed for it all by how she had lured in and trapped Will. If only he could have seen how horrible she was, before it was too late. Kate feared for his future, but also knew he had to choose his own path, and make his own mistakes. She tried to picture their life together, years from now, and how they would be. Married by then, probably with a few children; she wondered if he would have discovered the truth by then. A part of Kate hoped he never would, it would only cause him pain, and she did not ever want that. If there were children, she knew he would never leave his wife, no matter how loveless their marriage could be. She thought of their children, and she knew they would be beautiful.

"Ouch!" she cried out, and stumbled forward. A sharp stone had lodged itself under the sole of her shoe. Kate spotted a log on the side of the road and limped over to it. With a great sigh she set down upon it and started to undo the muddy laces. She was shaking the stone out of the shoe when a wagon rolled into view. There was a blond couple sitting up front, a man and a woman, with a whole crew of children piled into the back. They slowed the carriage in front of Kate and the woman called down to her.  
"Y-a-t'il un problème?" Though the woman spoke French, Kate could tell it was not her first language. She switched to English.

"I'm alright, I've just got a stone in my shoe." She smiled back at the woman, who had a gentle round face.

"Are you on your way to Dieppe?" the man asked.

"I am," Kate answered back.

"For the tournament?" one of the children piped up, clearly excited at the prospect of seeing the brave knights.

"No, I'm just passing through, actually."

"Us too," the boy told her, his face falling. "But I'm hoping to at least catch a glimpse of Sir William Thatcher before we leave." His eyes twinkled at the thought of it.

Kate's heart lurched at the sound of his name. She hadn't realized just how popular he had become over the past 6 months. She smiled at the boy, thinking how awestruck he would be if she told him that she actually _knew_ Sir William.

"Zacharia!" his mother scolded him. "That's enough of your silly ideas. I'm sure this woman has no interest in your jousting enthusiasm. Tell me, dear," she turned back to Kate. "Would you like a ride into town? Where are you staying?"

"Nowhere, as of yet. I'll have to find something when I get there, I suppose."

"Well hop on," the woman told her. "We'll be there soon, and let's see if we can't find you somewhere, though it might be difficult this close to the competitions. I can't stand the games, myself; all those royals, parading around their wealth in front of the lower classes. It's just extravagance, if you ask me…"

Kate climbed into the wagon and settled down in the hay next to the boy, while the woman went on about the pomp of the tournaments. They rode into the town and Kate's spirits lifted slightly, thinking her luck might actually be changing.


	13. Chapter 13

The four men were walking up the long lane that led to the expansive estate of Jocelyn's father, the Count Roberge. As the building came into view, the other men were awed with the great stone structure. Lights shone through many of the windows, beckoning to the men who were anxious to get dry and rest.

"Do you think there'll be any duck? I sure would love a good roast duck right now," Wat longingly remarked.

Roland shook his head and looked at the man. "Are you always thinking of food?"

When they approached the door and gave the knocker a sharp rap, Chaucer announced his lord in the typical manner to the servant who answered. They were led into the spacious foyer, with walls decorated in extravagant tapestries, and thick rugs under their feet. At that point, Jocelyn's handmaiden, Christiana, rushed in. She looked around nervously at the men.

"You are early," she said rather breathlessly, with a smile plastered to her face. "We were not expecting you until the end of the week."

Roland stepped forward to explain. "We made good time, and William here was quite anxious to be reunited with his lady." He gave Christiana a wide smile; he'd always had a soft spot for the handmaiden.

"Well, my lady is- at the moment she's… she's not available." Christiana started to lead them into the large dinning hall. "Why don't you all follow me, and have something to eat, you must be looking forward to a good meal, I'm sure."

"You could say that," Wat licked his lips and followed Christiana, rubbing his hands together enthusiastically. "You wouldn't happen to have any roast duck, would you?"

Will watched the others eagerly trek off toward their food, but had no appetite to follow. His longing was for Jocelyn alone, and he wished to seek her out, to finally see her sweet smile, and wrap his arms around the dark haired beauty. He took off in the other direction toward the west wing of the estate where her knew her bedchamber was located. Perhaps he could surprise her, and steal a few moments alone with her before the others noticed he was even gone.

He climbed the stone steps and began down the long corridor, passing a small number of servants along the way. A few minutes later he knew he was getting closer, but not remembering which door exactly was hers, he cautiously started opening a few and peeking into the lavishly decorated guest rooms. Finally, he heard his lady's twinkling laughter up ahead, behind a closed door. The sound was like music to his ears, and he could practically feel her lips on his, her soft hair through his fingers. As he approached the door he heard her laugh again, say something inaudible, and then a lower voice answered back to her. Confused, Will opened the door quietly and peered inside. At first his eyes had to adjust to the darkness that met them, and then he heard a sound he had not expected at all. A deep throated moan- much like the ones he could elicit from Jocelyn when they were alone together. Then a form took shape in the shadows, it was the pale skin of Jocelyn's back, sitting upright in bed. The moaning continued and he then realized her back was moving in a rhythm that matched her moans. The deeper voice spoke again, and Jocelyn's giggles continued. Will was rooted to the spot; he couldn't look away, yet he couldn't believe what he was seeing. The moaning continued until he couldn't take it any longer.

"Jocelyn?" he called out. She spun at the sound of her name, and pulled the covers up to her chest.

"William!"

"What in the _hell!_" the voice from under her exclaimed. Will could just make out the shape of the man's head as he raised it up to look past Jocelyn to the door. "Have you no sense of _privacy_, man?"

Will took one look in Jocelyn's face, her shock apparent, but also her fury. He turned on the spot and left the room, shutting the door behind him. He could not believe what he had just witnessed. Surely, his love, Jocelyn, could not betray him like this? All he could think to do was try to get as far away from all this as quickly as possible. He ran down the corridor, back to the foyer, desperate to get out to the fresh air. He ran down the steps and nearly into Christiana who seemed to be looking for him. His friends were gathered in the foyer behind her.

"Will…" she began, knowing what he must have discovered upstairs. "I'm sorry…" She was at a loss for words.

He brushed past her and continued to the front door. "Oy! Will! Where you going?" Wat called out to him. "You didn't even try the duck yet."

"I'm not hungry!" he roared and pulled open the door.

"Really, William. You cannot tell me that you are surprised." He turned to see Jocelyn standing at the top of the stairs, her robe wrapped around her now. But Will could not push the vision from his mind, her pale skin shone in his memories, and her moans echoed in his ears. He felt he would be sick.

But more than anything, he was furious for being used like he was. He focused on attacking her.

"Surprised, Jocelyn? You don't understand how _I_ could be surprised? I find you, in the arms of another-" he bit off the rest of his sentence, turned and slammed the great wooden door shut with as much force as he could summon. The echo rang throughout the great room. Everyone had grown silent and he felt their eyes on him.

Jocelyn started to descend the steps. "What kind of a future did you think we'd have together? Did you think I'd just wait here while you traveled the land chasing your dreams of riches and glory? I'm not someone who will be left behind, William!"

"I never asked you wait behind! You used to travel the tournament, and you're the one who made the decision to stop!"

"I grew tired with the whole tour, surely you could tell. One can only take so much of all the fighting and the competing. It really does become a _bore_, you know." She spoke so matter-of-factly, Will couldn't believe this was the woman he loved, the one that he had dreamed of returning to for months. "If you're surprised that I found comfort from the loneliness with another man, than you really are a fool."

"Did you never love me? For even one instant?" Will asked with disbelief, almost scared of the answer.

"I did love you, or at least the idea of you. But what could you have offered me? You have no land to speak of, no lineage of nobility. In truth, you are not that different from the William Thatcher you were before you were knighted. Just because you now carry the title, that does not make you a knight." She shrugged her shoulders.

"What about in London, last year when Adhemar discovered who I was. You stood by me when I was about to be arrested, told me you'd live with the pigs, if only I ran?"

"I did want you to run. I told you to run, William, because I was ashamed to have you around. I was afraid someone would discover I had been involved with _you_, a mere peasant. If you had left so would have any relationship we had together, and my status would have remained undamaged. Thankfully you were knighted not long after, and I had no reason the be ashamed of you any longer."

William just stared at her, open mouthed. He couldn't believe he had misread her affection so completely. At that moment the man from Jocelyn's bed appeared at the top of the stairs behind her, clad only in a pair of loose pants.

"Jocelyn, my love, is everything alright?" he called down to her. Will turned away, and winced at the horror that was overtaking him now. _His_ Jocelyn, in bed with another man and possible many others, and she didn't love him back.

The fury was overpowering and he turned to attack the man. "I'll show you alright!" he bellowed, and Roland and Chaucer stepped in to hold him back at that moment.

"It's not worth it, mate," Geoff tried to calm him. "Let's just get going shall we? She's not worth it!"

Will struggled with them for a few moments while Jocelyn turned her back on him and climbed the stairs back to her lover. She said something quietly to him; he nodded and kissed her on the cheek, then turned and headed back where he came from.

Then Jocelyn turned to address him for the last time. "Will, don't make this more difficult than it needs to be. We had our fun, while it lasted, but now it's time to move on. You'll always love your jousting most in this world. And I want something else completely." With that she swung her hair over her shoulder and continued the rest of the way up the stairs till she was gone completely.

When is was apparent the Will had stopped wrestling them, the men stepped back from him, and considered him carefully.

"I'm sorry, mate," Roland placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Will just shrugged it off. He roughly ran his hands through his hair, not sure whether he wanted to yell or cry. Any other words of comfort that his friends hoped to convey to him were never spoken. He'd turned back to the great front doors, wrenched them open, and escaped out into the rain.


	14. Chapter 14

William did not return that night. The men had searched the grounds of the Roberge estate, and then headed into town, toward the tournament grounds. They set up camp, erected their tent, and wandered aimlessly through the crowds hoping to catch sight of him. But by the end of the day none of them had found him and they were beginning to worry.

"He wouldn't do anything stupid, though, would he?" Roland asked, uncomfortably.

"Of course not," Geoff replied, trying to convince himself as well. "More than likely he's in a pub somewhere drinking himself into sorrow. It's where I'd be…" In truth Geoff was very concerned. He knew how vulnerable Will could be with his emotions, how devoted he had been to Jocelyn, and how devastated he must be feeling. Wat spent the entire evening describing the many ways he wanted to cause immense amounts of pain to that witch Jocelyn. Geoff though back to the times he and Kate had tried to get through to Will, tried to convince him that Jocelyn was not who she seemed. But he had never believed them, and now it was far too late. Kate had left, and Will was missing. They settled down to sleep in a tent that felt much too big now that two from their group were gone.

The following morning, Geoff made a decision. He knew that even if they did locate Will, there was little they could do for him; little they could say to sooth his pain. He knew he had to find Kate before she left the town; she needed to be with Will now more than ever. And as Jocelyn was out of the picture, Geoff didn't see any reason why she need leave them at all.

He checked with the other blacksmiths to see if anyone had spoken with her, and found that she had been around the day before. Someone remembered that a Dutch family had invited her to travel with them up the coast as they made their way toward the Netherlands. He set out in the direction they had gestured, and had walked all the way to the edges of town before he spotted her. She was helping to pack a wagon, her raven hair standing out in the sun that had decided to show that morning.

"Kate!" he called out to her, a grateful smile on his face. When she looked up at him, he could tell she must have had a rough night too. Her eyes looked swollen and red, as though she had been crying for quite a while. He didn't have to ask why, as he pulled her away from the wagon to speak to her.

"What are you doing here, Geoff? If you think you can talk me into coming back, you've got another thing coming-" but he cut her off.

"Kate," he looked at her seriously, no trace of a smile on his face now.

"What is it, what's happened?" she questioned quickly.

Geoff retold the story of the previous day, finishing with Will's disappearance.

"That's terrible. Will must be so broken." Her heart hurt for him, and the pain he was facing all alone. "But even still, what is it you would expect _me_ to do. I'm not Jocelyn, and that's who Will wants."

"Not anymore, he doesn't." Geoff pushed on. "At this point, all William needs are his friends, of which you are one. You can't possible leave now, when he needs you more than ever."

"Don't you think everyone will find it suspicious that I've returned, simply because Jocelyn is out of the picture now? They all think I'm terribly homesick. That's what I've told them, and they believed me."

"Well, I'm sure they'll believe that you care about your friends too. You can simple say your staying because you were concerned about Will."

"That _would_ be the reason I'd stay, Geoff. Even if it is over between Jocelyn and Will, that doesn't change how he feels about me. And I don't know if I can continue to pretend any longer. I cannot just be his friend. If I do return, that's all I would be."

"For now, yes." Geoff had a mischievous glint in his eye. "Right now, all Will needs is a friend, but that's not to say that he couldn't grow to realize something more in the future."

"Are you ready to go then?" a man called out to Kate from the front of the wagon. He was eyeing Geoff curiously, but Geoff ignored him.

"Just one moment," Kate yelled back to him, and turned back to Geoff.

"And if I'm wrong," Geoff continued, "which I don't think that I am, there won't be anything stopping you from leaving again if it becomes unbearable. You can decide yet again that you want to go home, and no one would even question you on it."

Kate's voice dropped to barely a whisper. "I don't think I could do that again, Geoff. You don't know how hard that was for me, saying goodbye to you all yesterday."

"I think that must mean something, then, love." He told her with a gentle smile. "I think that means you were never supposed to have done it in the first place." He let the words sink in.

"We really need to get going now," the man called out impatiently.

"She wont be needing that ride after all," Geoff told him with a wave of the hand. He took her sack from her and headed off back to town. Kate gave the bewildered man a weak smile, then turned and followed Geoff back into the crowds.


	15. Chapter 15

She found Will late that evening sitting by a great bonfire; the silhouette of a solitary figure perched on a log. His blond curls shone gold in the firelight as she drew nearer.

He barely glanced at her as she hesitantly sat down next to him.

"Shouldn't you be on a ferry to England by now," he questioned her harshly. There was a slight slur to his speech, no doubt brought on by the bottle he gripped tightly in his hands.

"I heard…" she began slowly, in a gentle voice. "Chaucer caught up to me, just outside of town. He told me… about Jocelyn. Will, I am so sorry."

"S'no matter. It's what women do, isn't it?" His voice was gruff, as though it hadn't been used in quite some time. "They use you for as long as they see fit, then move on when they've grown tired of you. Isn't that right?" He looked pointedly at her.

Kate knew he was hurting and tried not to let his words cut her too deeply, tried to ignore the hidden implications he was throwing at her. She sighed, and turned to stare into the fire, not knowing what she could possibly say to help him through this. She wished Geoff hadn't talked her into this.

"Why are you here, Kate? I thought you couldn't _wait_ to get home?" He took another swig from his bottle.

"I guess I know what it feels like, what you're going through right now." She spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully, making sure he believed them. "And I know how the emptiness can sting, or burn even, and that surrounding yourself with loved ones is one of the few ways you can endure it. I want to be here for you now, Will, so you know that you will survive this."

Will turned to her, surprised at her honesty, but still skeptical of her concern.

She took a deep breath, and continued, "When I lost my Robert, I wasn't prepared for the huge void that followed. It's constant presence made _everything_ so painful. It hurt just to breathe." She remembered the pain with intense clarity, though it was years ago. "But with time the pain dulled, and I found I could be happy again. You will too, one day. I'm sure of it." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.

"How did he die? Your husband?" Will was studying her, Kate so rarely spoke of her lost husband, and he often forgot she was widowed.

Kate turned back to the fire. "He became very sick, quite suddenly. By the time we had sent for a doctor it was too late; he couldn't be saved. It was some sort of fever. At least he didn't suffer much, that we can be thankful for." She brushed away a lone tear that rolled down her cheek.

"You must have been quite young when you married." Will wondered out loud.

Kate smiled to herself. "Barely seventeen; seems like forever ago. We had known each other since childhood. Though we were only married for a year, I don't regret any of it. Robert was a good, kind soul, and I loved him with my whole heart. I never would have imagined I could feel that way about someone, to give yourself entirely like that, with no inhibitions." She looked at Will and realized he knew exactly what she spoke of. He had felt that with Jocelyn.

"Why did you not return to your parents, after he passed?"

"I would have been quite a burden on my parents at that point. They didn't have any money to speak of, and I had two younger sisters still at home, then. I couldn't have done that to my parents." She took the bottle from Will and gulped down a mouthful. Then grimaced as it burned her throat. Though her memories were bittersweet, it felt good to talk about the past, and remind herself of the difficulties she had overcome. She hoped Will could do the same, one day. She handed him back the bottle and looked him in the eye.

"You'll get through this, I promise." She saw the sadness in his eyes, knew it reached into his heart also. Then she turned back to the fire and put a hand on his knee.

"I'm glad you're here, Kate." She felt him take hold of her hand and they sat like that for a long while, hand in hand, watching the fire burn.


	16. Chapter 16

When Roland woke the following morning, he was shocked to see not only Will lying in the tent along with them, but Kate too. He smiled to himself, but not wanting to wake them headed outside to watch the sun rise. As he was contemplating what could have brought them both back, Geoff emerged from the tent yawning and stretching.

"Good morning, my good man," he clapped Roland on the back good-naturedly. The older man just smiled back at him, knowingly.

"What?" Geoff asked.

"I'm guessing you had something to do with that?" he nodded his head back to the tent.

Geoff just shrugged. "I've no idea what you're talking about. Think I'll go see if I can't hunt down some decent breakfast." Then he strolled off into the morning mist that still hung around the perched tents.

Roland was shaking his head and chuckling to himself when Will emerged next. He was blinking in the early morning light, and ran his hands over his face. He spotted Roland and went over to take a seat next to him on the wagon.

"How are you?" Roland asked cautiously, trying to read the young knights solemn face.

Will avoided the question. "I think I must owe you all an apology." Roland tried to brush off his words with a wave of his hand, but Will continued. "I hope you all weren't too concerned about me. I just needed some time, to be alone."

"And how'd that work out?"

"Don't think I'm quite done yet, but the tournament starts today, doesn't it? We need to eat, so I need to joust. I can't let anything interfere with what needs to get done." And with that he hopped off the wagon and followed Geoff's path off into the rising mist.

Roland sat there watching the direction he had gone. Worry rested between his brows. Although Will was back, he could see it was going to take quite a bit more time before he was his old self. His tone lacked the enthusiasm and excitement that always accompanied the first day of the competitions. Roland wasn't sure how this would affect his jousting, now that it was something he was expected to do, and not his passion. One thing was certain, Jocelyn had better not choose to show at the tournament; it was clear that seeing her in the stands would not be something Will could handle as of yet.

"What in heavens-! You came back!" Wat's voice yelled from the tent. A moment later he came rushing out dragging Kate with him.

"Roland! Roland, did you see? Did you see who came back?" he threw an arm around her shoulder and presented her to the older man. "Kate must have decided she couldn't live without us after all!" He grinned at her, and Kate couldn't help but smile up at him, even thought she had just been so rudely awakened by the lively redhead.

"You're right, I got as far as the city limits and realized I needed an obnoxious, bothersome loud-mouth in my life and I just had to turn around and come back to you all."

"Well, that's just fantastic!" Wat was ecstatic, ignoring her comment. "Maybe you can help us find Will. He's been missing for two days now. Wait till we tell you what happened." He took a serious tone as he prepared to explain.

Roland interrupted. "Wat, I'm sure she knows already. Will was here last night too, he just left a few minutes ago to get something to eat."

"What?" he was dumbstruck. "Will's here too? This day just keeps getting better and better!" Then he turned to go and track down the knight.

"I'm sure he's just looking for a quiet meal!" Roland called after him, but Wat hurried away without listening.

Kate chuckled to herself, then turned back to face Roland.

"It's good to see you," he told her genuinely. "Glad to see Geoff caught up to you in time."

Kate just smiled at him as she sat in the same place Will had been a few minutes before.

"I'm sorry I took off like that, Roland. I didn't give any of you much time to say goodbye, I know. I made the decision, and had to follow through before it became too hard to do."

"So how long will you be staying, then? Still planning on heading back home?" Roland was eyeing her curiously, almost like he was challenging her excuses.

"I'm not sure. I came back because I knew Will would need all his friends right now, but who knows how long it will take him to pull through. I'm not even sure what to do for him, if there _is_ anything, but I imagine I'll stay for as long as he needs me. Or until he's himself again."

"He sure didn't seem like himself this morning." Roland remarked quietly.

They sat in silence for a moment thinking about what Will must be facing, the horrible images and thoughts that must be invading his mind. Though Kate knew this was where she needed to be, she wasn't completely sure what she could do to help him. It hurt her to see him suffering, but it was also difficult to know that the pain came from a deep love he held for another woman, and that it was that which he would have to let go of before he could heal.

Geoff showed up then, breaking the silence with a plate of cheeses and bread for the other two to munch on in the early morning light as they started to prepare for the day that lay ahead.

-----

After the first rounds in the joust, it was clear that Will was not himself at all. He was currently sitting in sixth place, out of twelve competitors. He had not ranked worse than third place since the world championships in London. Though there were more rounds to be held the following day, the group lacked enthusiasm as they sat round the wooden table in a noisy pub that night for supper. Everywhere people were laughing and clinking glasses, but Will and his friends were barely making any conversation. Wat had fallen into a deep depression, realizing there would not be as big of a prize after this tournament. He was already on his fifth flagon of ale.

"I just don't get it!" Wat burst out suddenly, breaking the silence. "It's not like you've been physically injured! How can you not have the same aim you had two weeks ago? Jocelyn could not have wounded your skill!"

The others glared at him, but he was far too drunk to notice.

"I mean that last tilt, against the Duke of Adrianople? How could you have missed him _completely_? You know he ranked dead last in the joust at Vienna? Last! And you couldn't even _hit _him! What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know, Wat!" Will yelled back at him, though there was a hint of shame in his expression. "I don't know what's wrong with me, okay? Do you think I _enjoy_ loosing like this?"

"So this isn't another trick then? Another come-from-behind plan where you end up winning the tournament in the end? You really aren't doing this on purpose?" There was a hint of hope in Wat's expression, pleading that this was the excuse.

"No," Will averted his eyes, not wanting to face anyone at this point. "This is not a trick."

"Perfect," Wat muttered out loud. "Guess we'll have to get used to eating kitchen scraps and sleeping in fields then, if we're going to loose every tournament from now on."

"Wat!" Roland interrupted, but Will was on his feet glaring at the redhead insulting him.

"Do you want to take over for me then?" he demanded. "Do you think you could do any better? Feel free to have a go at it, if you like!"

Wat was on his feet too, the two men glaring at each other. "Maybe I will have a go at it. It mustn't be that difficult, I'm sure I could at least beat the _Duke of Adrianople_, which is more than you can say right now."

Will grabbed the front of his shirts and was getting ready to give him a good thwacking when Geoff jumped up and pulled Wat back.

"That's enough, Wat," he warned and pushed him away from the table. "Why don't you go walk it off, eh?" He urged him away towards the door.

"Fine!" he slurred back and turned to stumble toward the exit. "Not much fun around here anyways, maybe I'll go find the Duke of Adrianople." And with that he was gone, leaving an awkward quiet amongst the others.

"He shouldn't have said all that, Will," Geoff apologized to him.

"Why not," Will demanded. "It's what you're all thinking, isn't it?" None of them answered, and they averted their eyes. "Isn't it?" He looked around the table, and he knew he had let them down. He could sit there no longer; the embarrassment was overwhelming. With a defeated sigh he rose from the table and turned from his friends, then headed out into the cool night air away from the tension that consumed the table. Geoff made to follow him, but Roland held him back.

"I think he just needs some more time alone. Just give him some space, yeah?"

Geoff watched the troubled young man go, and nodded his head while resuming his seat.

-----

Later on that night, Will was winding his way through the celebrating townsfolk and tourists on one of the crowded city streets. It helped to loose himself around the masses of people. Few recognized him, and he wasn't expected to talk to any of them. For the most part he was left quite alone. Which was perfect, as he had also worked his way into a glorious drunken state, once again. It did wonders for dulling his pain, and also helped him to stop thinking about the woman who had successfully stolen his heart and shredded it to pieces right before his eyes. He titled the bottle he clenched in his fist up to his lips, took the final swig then threw it down an alleyway, delighting at the sound as the glass shattered against the cobblestone. He was thinking about where next to go, where he could find the next drink, and maybe a cute little strumpet to pass some time with. He turned on the next street and stumbled along, looking for familiar landscapes. What he didn't expect to see was Kate up ahead, turning down a street of her own.

"Kate!" he called out to her, then started to jog to catch her up. The bricks were uneven under his inebriated feet, and he didn't get more than a few steps before he came crashing down on his knees. "Oooof!" His breath was knocked out of him.

"Goodness, Will," Kate bent down to help him up. "Are you alright?"

He grinned at her once she had steadied him. "'Course m'alright! I found you!"

She chuckled at his slurred speech and started to direct him toward the campground where their tent was pitched.

"Seems like you found a way to enjoy yourself this evening. How much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Not enough," he declared, and tried to guide her into the entrance of another pub they were passing.

"Oh, I think you have," she clarified and easily directed him back up and along the street. "You better start to straighten yourself out, or you'll be in no shape for competing tomorrow."

"M'not gonna compete any more," he told her stubbornly. "I'm done with jousting, and I don't want to be a knight. I was shite at it anyways."

"You know that's not true," she told him patiently. She had put his arm around her shoulders and was leading him along, supporting most of his weight. "You spent your whole life dreaming of become a knight; you are not going to give all that up just because you're going through a rough spot."

"S'not about being in a rough spot!" he told her. He stopped and she turned to look up at him. He continued his passionate explanation. "S'about realizing who I am. Jus' 'cause I'm _Sir William_ now, doesn't mean I'm any dif'rent from who I was before. I'm no knight. I'm a joke." He was adamantly defiant.

"No, you're not," Kate was just as passionate, just as defiant. "You are no joke, you are more of a knight than half the men I've seen compete! You show more nobility, more skill and more heart, and that's why you win in the lists. And they adore you! The people look up to you, they do!" She assured him as he scoffed and looked away from her earnest face. "Don't laugh Will, because just two days ago I met a boy who knew your name, and who longed to catch a glimpse of you, because who you are, and where you come from and what you represent, matters. You are a role model to him, and to anyone else who ever has dreamed of being more than they were allowed. You're a role model for me too, Will, and damned if I'm going to sit by and watch you throw it away like this!"

Will looked down into her face and admired the intensity with which she spoke. He then wound his fingers into her dark tresses and leaned down to capture her lips with his. Kate froze for a moment, not believing that this could be happening. Then her hands slowly slid their way up his chest to wrap her arms about his neck. She kissed him back, deeply, trying to convey every emotion she felt towards him with that simple act. The kiss intensified quickly and Kate wasn't sure if Will even knew what he was doing, or whom he was doing it to. She had hoped, and dreamed, of being held like this by him for so long. But she had often pictured it in a different setting, and Will had definitely not been this drunk during it. His hands were at her hips now, pulling her closer to him, and his mouth had left her lips to start exploring her jaw line toward her earlobe. She knew that if she were going to stop this, she would have to end it soon, before her thoughts were completely wiped away. She brought her hands back to his chest and gently pushed him back. He resisted, trying to pull her closer again, so she pushed more firmly, putting some space between them. She wasn't sure if she would come to regret that action, his lips had been magic on hers. But she didn't want this to be something insignificant to him. In his state he might not even remember it the following morning.

"Wha's wrong?" he slurred trying to look into her deep green eyes.

Kate was trying to catch her breath and steady her racing heart. "I think we need to get you back to the campsite, you need some sleep." She couldn't bare to look him in the eye as she put his arm once again around her shoulders. She continued on their way back to the campsite.


End file.
